Topic of the month: Christmas gifts

Well ladies and gentlemen, it is that time of year again when we start scouring the shops for gifts for our loved ones. I know, it seems to get earlier every year, does it not? Well in these straightened times we all have to plan our spending well in advance so I thought I would get this article in before your next paycheque.

For the Whisky aficionados among us there is one ideal place to shop and that is www.whiskyshop.com for the most rare and exciting brands.
Not only whisky, but they have an extensive range of hip-flasks, cigars and books on the topic of our favourite tipple.
But the right whisky can only be served in the right tumbler. A set of decent crystal tumblers can be found at John Lewis or Debenhams .

The John Rocha designed Waterford Crystal tumblers are available at your local John Lewis for £63 for a pair.
For an equally spectacular drinking vessel go down to your local Debenhams to gaze up on the Royal Doulton collection. They offer six Dorchester tumblers for £75.00
At the cheaper end of the scale John Lewis also do six 22cl tumblers at £10.75.
If the Whisky lover in your life is also a bookworm, or just looking to expand their knowledge of Whisky origins and products then there are several full-colour hardback books out on the market.

Whisky: The definitive world guide pretty much does what it says on the tin. It covers Whisky from Bourbon to the Scottish Highlands to the rolling hills of Antrim. The book combines a dedicated knowledge of the product with outstanding photography to produce the finest Whisky guide on the market.

Jim Murray’s Whisky Bible is a pocket sized annually updated guide to all that is new and exciting about the world of whisky. Less bulky than the definitive guide, it is a handy size to take on your trip around Scotland.
Now if recently hit the jackpot or you just have the cash to splash and fancy a weekend break there are several whisky tours that are available all year round.
From a short weekend in Edinburgh to an 8-day tour around the Highlands and Islands there is a tour for every wallet.
So good luck with your Christmas shopping and I will be back later this week with some more ideas for family gifts.
Now it’s official: Jenson Button is World F1 Champion

After a lavish final Grand Prix in Abu Dhabi we can make it official: Jenson Button is the 2009 F1 World Champion. This is the high point of a career in F1 stretching back to 2000. Jenson’s road to glory has been a long and hard one, starting with a year at Williams in 2000.
Several years with Renault followed, slowly gaining vital experience of the world of Formula 1. In the early 2000’s he moved to what was then the Honda works team.
Jenson joined Honda at a funny time. The Japanese company were busy experimenting with carbon neutral and earth friendly componants and fuels. The end result was, unfortunately, a car that moved like a snail. In spite of that Jenson won his first Grand Prix in 2007 in Hungary.
Apart from that brief break the dark clouds hung over Honda and the team eventually withdrew from Formula 1 at the end of 2008. It was a shock for all involved in the Honda factory at Brackley, and it would have been all over if it had not been for one man.

Ross Brawn was a former Ferrari engineer, and a hugely experienced man. He had joined Honda as team principle only a few years earlier. In the middle of a dark recession he took the decision to find new backers and move the team forward.
His idea was not as crazy as it sounded. He had a car design that he knew could win races, but he had been prevented from using it because of Honda’s fixation on carbon-neutral technology. He found a few backers, and put a large sum of his own money into the new project. Ross Brawn was very literally going for broke.
At the time Jenson was considered by many, including me, that he was a driver that was marking time. He seemed to lack the fire that a winner needs. But the vital experience he had gained would prove to tip the balance in his favour. Rubens Barrachello stayed on as the second driver. Barrachello was a veteran racer, but eternally the second fiddle. Perhaps he was too easily cowed, or he lacked a certain edge. But he was physically tough, resolute and he obeyed orders.

At the start of 2009 a very surprised media reported that a new team would be racing in F1. Hand-picked from the remains of the Honda team, the Brawn F1 team would race with a pristine white car broken up with flashed of lime green. Nobody really expected them to be more than back-markers, there to make up numbers in a rapidly dwindling F1 grid.
In the first Grand Prix at Albert Park, to everybody’s amazement, they won. Two weeks later, in a wet Malaysia, they won again. In an even wetter Chinese Grand Prix, they came third. Consecutive first places followed for Jenson in Bahrain, Spain, Monaco and Turkey.

From there they seemed to lose momentum a little bit. The Red Bull team added new diffuser technology and soon caught up. Other teams took wins also, Kimi Raikkonen for Ferrari and Lewis Hamilton for McLaren. Even Rubens Barrachello took a win for Brawn.

But somehow Jenson managed to hold it together and finished the season with 11 points clear of his nearest rival, Red Bull’s Sebastian Vettel. He took the championship on a rain-soaked race Brazilian Grand Prix. The final race of the season was more of an exhibition than a race, and it took place at the futuristic Abu Dhabi raceway.
So in all it is quite a season. thrills, spills shocks and drama on and off the track. I will write up a complete 2009 season review when I have a lot more time. But for now let us be overjoyed that the F1 World Championship title has stayed in England.
Well done Jenson!
The Courtesans Await You

The cover of the eagerly awaited EP
For those of you who have done nothing but sit in the house and complain about X Factor acts I have a well thought out subtle message… GET A LIFE!
Go out and see a proper band in a proper club with proper people, not people who added you on Twitter.
Currently touring the weird and wonderful emporiums of London town are a band unlike any you shall ever see, fronted by an international horror movie star no less.
Eileen Daly is more comfortable in front of a microphone than a crucifix these days but her dark and dangerous undertones are rarely far from the surface.
So here we have their new music video. Roll VT, Bob:
The Courtesans are (in their words) a “Gypsy Glam, with dark tales in waltz-time with deadly swing beats”. What they mean by that is known only to themselves but to unlock their secrets you will have to go and see them perform live. I was curious about this mysterious band so I put a few questions to them..
I’ve never heard a band that sounds quite like you. From where do you take your influence?
We describe ourselves as a gypsy glam rock and roll band with dark
tales in waltztime, deadly swingbeats, tangos and arabesque stomps-and
that’s only half the story. Our influences are many and varied, but
tend to be the more theatrical type of band or performer such as Kate
Bush, The Sex Pistols, The Sensational Alex Harvey Band, The
Cramps, Simon Warner, Queen. That said we are in no way a retro band, and
have no interest in copying the sound or style of other bands or
eras, and like to think we have an identifiable character, which, like
Marmite, you’ll either love or hate!
Describe your ideal crowd or following?
Young, old, loyal. international people who still think it’s worth
buying a cd or record and paying for a ticket to see their favourite
band.

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts? Wi' Jammin'
Is the X Factor the work of Satan?
I think Satan has better taste. More likely the work of Mammon. This
show and its multi-headed offspring are pointless, depressing and
destructive. On the other hand……..
Peckham Rolex,why the name? Is it a reference to fakery?
The lyrics to Peckham Rolex were written by a very good friend Tom
Gallagher, and in fact refer to the electronic tag issued to felons on
probation the “Peckham Rolex”
Does Aurelio(your bass player) ever get mistaken for Russell Brand?
Although he does bear a passing resemblance, Aurelio is much better
looking.
So if this heady mix of the bizarre and the beautiful is your cup of char you can follow them via their myspace page here:
or their facebook group, here:
facebook.com/group.php?gid=108279592760

Eyes that could pierce a bank vault and cheekbones that could slit a throat
More on Eileen Daly next year…
A Biography of the Devil

Much invoked, often implicated, always despised. The Devil is as old as deity worship by humankind. He is the yang to God’s Ying. The dark side of us all.
“Having the Devil in you” is an often used phrase for agitated or highly aggressive behaviour.
“Being a devil” would be acting on selfish impulse regardless of short term consequences.
He has been worshiped, appeared in film, in art, in song and he even has his own football team. Somebody even tried to sue him once. But who or what is he or it and where did he come from?
Note: for the sake of consistency the Devil will be referred to as a He.
As mankind evolved we developed many rituals, such as burial and veneration of our dead. That was the start. Our psychology developed and emotions became more sophisticated and elaborate. Our violence became less chaotic and more premeditated. Empathy grew more intense in some, and much less in others. A greater sense of empathy became the key to raising a family or tribe.
Selfish, devious, scheming and violent behaviour became the prime sources for the breakdown of early human society. Both empathy and violent behaviour gradually clustered into two tangible forms. We know them today as God and the Devil. The two seem to be as old as the other, and they are in some way interlocked figures, we cannot have one without the other.
God, Allah, call him what you will is one of the most sought-after benefactors in history. But he is not the topic of this essay, I will leave him for another time.

The Devil is an equally ambiguous character, and one much harder to pin down. While God is generally regarded as a genial, bearded middle age man the devil is a hybrid of humanoid and animal. This image springs mostly from the palette of renaissance painters and their vivid imaginations. His form is, theoretically, supernatural, with limbs of the creatures early man feared or hated the most. The bat, the snake, and the goat. (The last one seems a bizarre addition but nonetheless is there)
His powers are said to be great, but little is said of what they actually are. He seems capable of great violence but there is little evidence of him using this as a first resort. Instead, the Devil likes to trick, to scheme and to manipulate.
In view of the early church’s irrational fear of all things female it is surprising that the Devil is not imagined as a woman. Not that the women of the time were any less inclined to devilish behaviour, they just lacked the physical capacity to carry it out in such a spectacular manner.
The devil appeared in early Jewish text first, not as the epitome of evil, but as a form of prosecutor sitting opposite the judgment of God. The name Satan is a Hebrew version of ‘accuser’. In some Talmud or Rabbinic versions he is seen as an Agent Provocateur, testing man for sin in the judgment of God.
In Christianity he seems to have been some kind of subordinate being who rose up and led a rebellion. His exact reasons are hard to figure, but pride and will seem to figure in the case for both the protagonist and the antagonist. But which was which?
Some kind of supernatural war has featured in renaissance art, fought with swords and breastplates. It seems that God and the Devil were capable of mustering armies and leading them in armed struggle. Ultimately God seems to have won and banished the devil into the wilderness where he planned his revenge.
We can reason from this that God is more powerful than the Devil, either physically or mentally.
Although far from universally popular or attractive, some people do worship the devil. Their reasoning is highly personal. Some worship his for personal gain, others, quixotically, because they do not believe in God. For others it is some kind of protest against an over-paternalistic Christian society. Few devil worshippers are balanced individuals.
The format for the worship of God are clearly laid down in the Koran, and in great detail in the Bible. The precise method of devil worship seems to vary greatly. Animal or human sacrifice, deviant sexual practices and child abuse have all been implicated. The greater details seem to be a closely guarded secret and accounts of dark masses are rarely reliable.

In the late Sixties a man called Anton LeVay wrote The Satanic Bible. This set down the Constitution for Satanism as a religion. Those who bought the book expecting a charter for deviant behaviour were to be bitterly disappointed. Le Vay’s book was more pragmatical in nature, banning outright human sacrifice (boo!), Sexual deviance (hiss!), and any act that breaks that country’s laws (sod this!). Although LeVay has undoubted terrifying appearance, his is too practical-minded to make any headway with the crazies that his religion attracts. The Satanic Bible, I would suspect is outsold by Mein Kampf by a significant margin.
The Devil has some symbols. The most common in use is a hand signal consisting of a punching fist with the first and fourth fingers extended, the ‘horns of the devil’, popular at rock concerts. So now you know. In fact not many people knew what the hand signal stood for, I only just found out myself.
His main symbol is the Pentagram, the five pointed star. The one subtle difference between Satanists and other religions that use the pentagram is this: Satanists use the one with two points at the top and the three points at the bottom. The two points at the top symbolize the triumph of the devil (they are the horns) over the three points (representing the holy trinity). Within the star the face of a goat is sometimes portrayed. It’s origins are unclear but, like the Swastika, it seems to have been hijacked at some point and used as a hallmark of wrongdoing. The Pentagram had no association with Satanism at all until the Spanish Inquisition came along and associated the Devil with any symbol it didn’t like. Somehow the association of the Pentagram and the occult looks set to stick, like the Swastika and the Nazis.
Now about that Goat. The Goat, in ancient Egypt was a symbol of carnality. Within some Satanic rituals it was used to procure fertility. Other religions were already eating Goat only as part of a ceremony. At some point the idea crossed over but animal sacrifice tailed off.
The Devil has two numbers, 666 and the less well known 616. Why does he have these numbers? Why did he want them in particular? And what did he intend to do with them? And why does God not have a number?
The answers are highly ambiguous and mostly come down to early Christian superstition. 616 may have been a typo, not as I thought, the devil’s Fax number. The 666 could be a numerical code for something or other, but no theory has stood up to scrutiny. Even in the year 666 very little of note happened. The Devil never appeared, there was no fire and brimstone. It was the medieval Millenium bug scare.

Al Pacino's raging rendition of Lucifer
The Devil has been portrayed in several films, the most recent being The Devil’s Advocate, where he is played by Al Pacino. In the film he is depicted as sardonic, cynical and bitter. He also seems to hate God but still lives in fear of him, even if he will not openly admit it. Personally I liked Jack Nicholson’s version better.

Jack Nicolson's understated mischief making devil.
The Rolling Stones wrote a song about him, expressing their sympathy for him. The song describes him as a man of wealth and taste, wily and mischievous.
So what does the future hold for the Devil in this brave new Millennium? At the minute not much. He has largely been sidelined while radical Islam and their Neo-Conservative enemies seek endorsement from God for their activities. Nobody cares for the Devil anymore, poor Devil. But as long as there is light there is dark and if there is a God then we can be sure the Devil will be hiding out there somewhere just waiting for his chance.
Horror Movies to watch this Halloween
Ladies and Gentlemen, the witching season is upon us again. The dead shall walk the earth and witches shall fly through the sky. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.
But don’t let reality interrupt a night of fun and frolics. There are lots of things you can do, go see a scary movie, take the kids trick or treating, or go to a fancy dress party with your work collegues.
Nah, just go see a scary movie.
In fact this year we have quite a batch for you to choose from. Circuses of freaks, zombies, sadistic killers and bermuda triangles to name but a few.
So let’s start with Cirque du Freak, the story of two young lads who go to a freak show that is new to town. The see lots of weird things, bearded ladies, tattooed men. They see this one man do tricks with a poisonous spider. After the show the man names one of the boys a deal, he will make him a vampire if he agrees to become his apprentice. What follows is the accomplishment of evil.
My favourite so far is Zombieland, set in the aftermath of a nationwide Zombie attack. Unlike other Zombie movies this one has a sense of humour. It also has all the rules of how to survive a Zombie attack in detail, demonstrated in graphic detail. How jolly useful. It stars Woody Harrelson and Bill Murray, so you know you are getting your money’s worth.
The third choice is a good old fashioned haunted house movie. Paranormal Activity is, theoretically, the new Blair Witch, handicam horror movie. Filmed on a shoestring budget and lots of bumpy photography, it is none the less supposed to be extremely scary. I guess you just have to go see it and judge it for yourself.
The Saw franchise seems to roll and roll. We are now on number six of the series, and it somehow manages to retain the ability to scare the hell out of us. What keeps the Saw series going is it’s imagination and intelligence that it channels into what it knows are our deepest fears. Jigsaw is long dead but he sowed the seeds of sadism and dark pleasure into the souls of those who survived him. Finally they are bearing their dark, nasty fruit.
Last but by no means least we have Triangle, a horror based on the mysteries of the Bermuda triangle. During a yachting race a crew are forced to abandon ship in heavy weather. A sinister cruise ship offers the only refuge, but on board all is not as it seems.
So enjoy your halloween, go to your nearest Vue and scare yourselves shitless!
www.vue.com
Zach Braff is not dead

Dude, is heaven supposed to look this lame?
Well for a change I would like to announce that Zach Braff, star of Scrubs, is NOT dead. It was some twat on a fake site putting about a fake rumour.
Roll VT, bob:
I was concerned at first, considering the year we are having for celebrity deaths. But within an hour nothing had appeared on www.tmz.com, sky news or the BBC. Not even Fox ran the news.
Zach Braff is the star of the long running medical comedy Scrubs, that has won several TV awards.
Here is a clip of this funny series:
Donnington will not host the British Grand Prix

It was announced yesterday that Donnington Park, the racing circuit in Leicestershire, will not be hosting the British Grand Prix from 2010.
This follows nearly a year of delays, budget overruns, confusion and ever-extending deadlines. These problems were compounded by the world-wide recession which affected every sector of British construction. Funding went through the site like shit through a goose.
On a visit to Silverstone in June, one of the curators outlined Donnington’s problems.
1. It has no helipad to evacuate the wounded.
2. Crucially, it cannot land helicopters because it is in East Midlands airport’s airspace.
3. It has little in the way of parking space
4. The entire track is merely half the size of Silverstone F1 track.
With these problems it is hard to see how Donnington ever got the commission in the first place. Furthermore it had to cancel most of the 2010 events to make way for the construction work necessary to turn DOnnington into a modern F1 track.
Donnington did host the European Grand Prix back in 1993. But following the death of Ayrton Senna in 1994 a lot of stringent safety measures were put in place that made these changes necessary.
But deadlines came and went and Bernie Ecclestone lost patience with Simon Gillette, the Chief Executive of Donnington Leisure. Finally Bernie had had enough and closed the book on the project.
So will the British Grand Prix now remain at Silverstone? More than likely. If not in 2010 then in 2011 certainly. Silverstone has a lot of bookings for 2010, the main one being the British MotoGP. One of the biggest advantages of a Motorbike Grand Prix is that they can host twice as many people. Why? Because everybody turns up on motorbikes, so they can fit twice as many in the car park.
So all this has left Silverstone in a win/win position. It will come out of this a whole lot stronger and much better funded.
Only time will tell what will become of Donnington.
Stephen Gately of Boyzone has died

Yesterday it was announced that the singer Stephen Gately had died at his apartment in Majorca. The Spanish police do not suspect foul play or misadventure, but no other details have been revealed.
Stephen Gateley shot to fame in 1993 as a singer in an Irish boy-band managed by pop svengali Louis Walsh. Boyzone, as they were known, became the rivals of Take That at a time when the latter band held dominance of the Boy-band market. While Take That were mostly from the north of England, Boyzone were all Irish.
Boyzone were an overnight success and sold out stadiums worldwide.
Stephen was also gay, but he found himself still very much accepted by his band mates. He later came out and few people batted an eye lid. He later became the civil partner of Andrew Cowles.
Boyzone split for many years, for unclear reasons, except perhaps they had taken their act as far as they could at the time. They later reformed and played the same kind of slow ballads they had before.
Away from the music Stephen was also an actor and did many voice overs for Doctor Who audio productions and the Watership down TV series.
He was found on his sofa the morning after a night out. No drugs or other implements were found at the scene and a post mortum is due later this week. I think it is likely he fell asleep on his back and choked on his own vomit, but that is just personal speculation.
He was 33 years old.
I just made love! (actually it’s a site)

In the realm of the internet we have come across some weird and wonderful sites. The church of Elvis, dancing ducks and cutsey pussy cats. But once in a while a site comes along that just keeps you amused for hours.
www.ijustmadelove.com is one of those sites.
The idea is that the minute you have done the deed you post your location onto the google map provided on the site along with any details you care to share. Just please remember that there is such a thing as too much information!
I really must read it on a saturday night just to see which locations come up. Bus shelters, taxi ranks, hang on, is that my garden?? those little… arrgh!! It seems the middle of the Atlantic is a common location (probably a lot of frustrated sailors). One wonders if the site counts masturbation as sex. Considering the name uses the singular it wouldn’t surprise me.
Ah, it’s the little things that we find amusing. Are you going to post on it? Go on.
No I havn’t added a marker.
(yet)


