Nick Gilmartin's Weblog

And he used to be such a nice, quiet boy

The things a barman hears

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“Jeysus, nobody goes in there cos it is always packed.”

“I didn’t know what anal sex was till I was thirteen, I thought it was a man and a woman rubbing their arses up and down each other.”

“What happened when you became thirteen?”

“Oh I became an alter boy.”

During a minute’s silence for 9/11 “WHATS THE MINUTES SILENCE FOR NICK?”

“For all the dead of september 11th” Says I, trying to whisper.

“AH ROIGHT.”

“Jeysus darling you’re ugly enough to be my girlfriend. Don’t worry luv, you’re not fat enough!”
And they went home together..

The same guy the week earlier “Hi baby, you’re good looking enough to be a model. For Evans.”
He meant it as a compliment, he told me as I passed him an ice pack.

Me and Frank stood at the bar in a quiet period. “We buried the mother in law the other day.” After a moment I replied: “Is she dead then?”
Frank looks at his watch and says “Aye probably.”

When I hear more I will pass them on. I sometimes contribute to www.overheardindublin.com
Some of the stuff on there is priceless!

Nick

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Written by Nick Gilmartin

April 24, 2008 at 9:28 pm

Posted in Humour, true stories

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