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And he used to be such a nice, quiet boy

From Beauty to the Beast: Three women we stopped fancying ages ago

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It is a source of amazement to me that some of the girls we lusted after the most in the late nineties turned out, within a decade to be mentalists of the highest order.  You just have to look at Peter Andre and you think ‘there but for the grace of God, go I.’

From  teenage boys fantasy...

From teenage boys fantasy...

But what happened to the honeys of our youth to turn them into the psycho ex-girlfriends of our worst nightmares?  Well, a lot as it turns out.

Example number one.  Katie Price, also known as Jordan.  She first blew our socks off in the late nineties as a page 3 glamour model of a different order, this girl had the x factor before anybody knew what it was.  She used the pseudonym Jordan because association with page 3 could prove detrimental to later career moves.  She need not have worried, her name was virtually her trademark.

Over the years she left behind a trail of exhausted and nervous men, including Dane Bowers, Dwight Yorke, Gareth Gates and  Teddy Sheringham.  But finally she met the man who would be the Ken to her Barbie.  She succumbed to Cypriot-Australian Peter Andre’s charms during a reality TV show in 2003.  The two were married in mid 2005.

to becoming the girl who had him by the balls pretty much the whole relationship

to becoming the girl who had him by the balls pretty much the whole relationship

But in recent months the two have split, with Peter citing her emotional cruelty and unreasonable behaviour.  The long hours with reality TV cameras invading their every private moment dealt the death blow to their relationship  She has long been generating tabloid headlines and filling the pages of supermarket magazines, with a perchant for clubbing and grabbing any pretty man who doesn’t move away fast enough.  She is very single minded and a ruthless businesswoman, a T.V personality and an authoress of two books.  Poor Pete is, well, a nervous wreck.

Kerry (far left) had a hit with bandmates Atomic Kitten

Kerry (far left) had a hit with bandmates Atomic Kitten

Example number two is her sometimes friend and fellow head-banger Kerry Katona.  Now this lady exploded on to out screens as front woman of  girl group Atomic Kitten.  And what a front!  Busty, brassy and blonde, this was a girl who came from nowhere and quickly grabbed everybody’s attention.

Kerry had a hard time growing up and it seems to have left it’s mark on her relationships with men and reality in general.  After a brief career as a lap dancer she joined a dance troupe and then the girl band Atomic Kitten.  After some success at home and in Asia Kerry left to get married to Westlife singer Bryan McFadden.

The marriage was not a success, in spite of giving birth to two girls.  Bryan got a bit randy on his stag party with a couple of strippers and himself and Kerry never really reconciled.  He later met Australian singer Delta Goodrem, who was calm, dignified and quietly spoken, the antithesis of Kerry.

Kerry with second husband Mark Croft

Kerry with second husband Mark Croft

Later Kerry met and quickly married Mark Croft, a former taxi driver and things rapidly began to unravel.  Their house was burgled in 2007, with thieves taking the family hostage before making off with hundreds of thousands of pounds of loot.  This terrifying experience had a profound effect on Kerry, causing bouts of bi-polar disorder.  Strangely about this time the easily swayed public seemed to take against her after years of apparent popularity.  She went from being voted best celebrity mum to second worst.  She didn’t take the criticism lightly and hit back with statements to tabloid newspapers.  Pictures of her smoking while pregnant appeared and she was forced to defend her actions.

Pished me?  Nah, mate

Pished me? Nah, mate

Then came the famous appearance on This Morning when she appeared live for an interview, rambling and slurring her words, apparently pissed out of her head.  Was she?  No satisfactory answer has been forthcoming.  Max Clifford, her representative parted company from her about this time.

For months Kerry spent periods of time in the celebrity clinic the Priory.

In spite of all that, and her apparent break up with husband number two, she has written four books.  But only very recently she was dropped by Iceland, the frozen food chain.  This was because she was seen snorting a white powder (presumably not Beechams) during her reality TV show.  How dumb can you get?

From Playmate to tabloid plaything in ten years

From Playmate to tabloid plaything in ten years

Example three: Pamela Anderson

In common with the other two, Pamela exploded into our lives as a smorgasbord of beauty, bosoms and blonde hair.  And in common with the other two she now seems nothing more than a strung out single mum with crap boyfriends, kids she can barely control while holding down a career.

Pamela is a former Playboy playmate who had her break into TV via the series Baywatch.  From there she soon reached the silver screen with the dire Barb Wire.  In the meanwhile she became hitched to rock singer Tommy Lee who she publicly took to tonguing.

SHe started a trend for celebrity sex tapes

She started a trend for celebrity sex tapes

The couple made tabloid history when a home made sex tape became available in most rental stores.  Although far from classy, it did set a precedent for the celebrity sex tapes of Paris Hilton and Abi Titmuss.  But once we had seen Tommy’s T-bone impailing  Pammy none of us wanted his sloppy seconds, and our love affair with Ms Anderson ended there.  When she spawned two sons and re-married Kid Rock none of us really cared any more.   What is she doing these days?  We don’t really care anymore, we have moved on.

Get a room guys

Get a room guys


Written by Nick Gilmartin

June 15, 2009 at 7:08 am

One Response

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  1. I agree to all three…all three are pretty but their antics so them no favours…very off-putting 😦


    June 15, 2009 at 10:42 am

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