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And he used to be such a nice, quiet boy

Archive for July 2009

Mousetrap! The Lamb makes a lifesize version

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The Lamb Public House in Surbiton, Surrey defied the current trend in pub closures in a remarkable fashion.  They have long had a fascination with board games so they decided to build a real life version of the popular board game Mousetrap.

And here is the Youtube footage in full:

All was in aid of the Shooting Star Hospice for Children.  The Lamb drafted in staff, friends, regulars and volunteers to aid in this massive construction project.  This is great news in a year where pubs are closing at a rate of fifty a month.  It is also nice to see something of the community spirit coming back at last.

The Lamb

The Shooting Star Hospice provides care, support and advice for families of children with life threatening conditions.  These care services are offered free of charge to families across the western half of London and north Surrey.

The Lamb Pub, 73 Brighton Road, Surbiton, Surrey KT6 5NF 08721 077077

They do an amazing pint of Ringwoods apparently.  Must go sample one, and have a play on the Mousetrap one day.


Written by Nick Gilmartin

July 30, 2009 at 6:13 pm

Posted in true stories

Tagged with ,

Movies coming in 2010

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Well boys and girls I thought it was time to take a look at a few of the films that will be filling our multiplexes in 2010.

Lets start with January.


Daybreakers.  What better way to start the year than with a good old vampire yarn?  Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe and Sam Neill filmed this one way back in 2007.  The story goes:  In 2019 the vampires rule the earth, but they are running short on humans to feed on.  Two bloodsuckers have to work on a way to keep their human prey alive.

Then we have one for the kids.

Hoodwinked 2

Hoodwinked! 2 Hood v Evil.  In this sequel we have Red Puckett in training for the sister Hoods.  She must allay herself with the big bad wolf to investigate the disappearance of Hansel and Gretel.

Then the horror!

piranha 3d

Piranha 3-D.  Alexandre Aja directs this CGI fish fest of blood and nastiness.  Plot?  Oh yeah.  The rather peckish fish are let loose in a popular tourist lake leading to lots of scenes of faces and flesh ripped off.  Yummy.

Nicolas Cage in Season of the Witch

Nicolas Cage in Season of the Witch

Season of the Witch sees Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman team up to transport a child-witch to trial for allegedly spreading the plague known better as the black death.

A Nightmare on Elm street
Nightmare on Elm Street is set to return to our lives with a whole new reboot.  Only this time without (gasp!) Robert Englund.  His role is taken by Jackie Earle Hayley.  Cue stripy sweater, hat and razor claw and lots of slashing about.

And then we lock and load for some good old fashioned action, Stallone style.

The Expendables

The Expendables is his first film since the ill-advised Rambo 4.  Stallone wrote and produced this project himself, a first for him.  Anyhow, the Expendables are Sly, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren and a few other meatheads.  They are hired to remove a Generalissimo of some obscure South American country, and they have to take on ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austen and Eric Roberts (remember him?)

Iron man 2

The much awaited Iron Man 2 kicks in around May next year.  The second instalment of the comic-book franchise is a lot darker than the first.  It is more character driver, focussing on Tony Stark’s alcoholism as well as his battle against evil.  At least this time he has help, in the form of the boys and girls of SHIELD, as he contends with Whiplash and Justin Hammer.

Mickey Rourke as Whiplash

Mickey Rourke as Whiplash

So as Bugs Bunny would say, that’s all folks, but there is more to come next month.

Written by Nick Gilmartin

July 30, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Stormy Daniels’ Election Hopes End in Domestic Violence Arrest

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Can I get some make-up here please?

Can I get some make-up here please?

It seems the Senatorial career of Stormy Daniels may have hit a huge snag.

She was arrested on saturday night on a charge of battering her husband over unpaid bills and laundry.  All this sounds strangely misogynous, you would half expect it to be the husband battering the wife.  But apparently it happened.

Ms Daniels, real name Stephanie Clifford, apparently went wild after discovering her husband, Michael Mosny, had discoloured her clothes.  The argument took a turn for the violent when she then discovered an unpaid bill for an undisclosed amount.  We guess it was pretty big!

The report stated that she ‘threw a potted plant at the sink, hit Mr Mosny several times, overturned a coffee table and broke a wedding album’.

Jesus, the poor schmuck.  Cases of marital violence against men are not rare, but most go unreported due to mankind’s sense of pride.  Even my 6’4″ black belt best friend used to get beaten by his girlfriend, and abused both mentally and physically.

In an unrelated incident, Stormy Daniels’ political advisor had his car blown up in New Orleans.  His friends said:

“It was like something out of the Sopranos, very weird.”

It it not yet known if he had any powerful rivals, and it seems unlikely that someone would bomb him because of his connection to Stormy.  Having said that, he had better make sure he doesn’t make her mad, right?

Written by Nick Gilmartin

July 30, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Michael Schumacher is to stand in for Massa

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Michael Schumacher

It was revealed today that the seven time world champion, Michael Schumacher, is to return to F1 for the remainder of the 2009 season.

Holy shit, could this season have any more twists and turns?  When was the last time F1 was this interesting?  Anyway the other good news is that Filippe Massa is making steady progress, he can see out of his damaged eye.  With a little surgery he should be back by next season.

So in Valencia we will have Lewis Hamilton, making his big title-defence, Jenson Button trying to hold on to his lead, Sebastian Vettel biting his heels like Scrappy Doo and Mark Webber biting his.  Not only that we have the FIA-FOTA war slowly reaching an uneasy peace and three new teams waiting in the wings.

Bring on Valencia now!  Oh this is going to be good…..

Written by Nick Gilmartin

July 29, 2009 at 5:10 pm

The rise of Sara Benincasa

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Hey!  Watch me swallow this thing

Hey! Watch me swallow this thing

Well since we are playing catch up this week I thought it would be a great idea to hook up with Sara Benincasa, the girl from New Jersey who has been tickling funny-bones from New York to South Carolina.

She will be working her one-woman show, Agorafabulous, every Saturday night from 1 August until 29 August at the Pit in New York City (check out  She can induce an asthma attack on anybody old and rich just by saying stuff on stage, but she charges extra for that.

So I finally managed to stalk, sorry track down, this lady for a little chat:

Sarah Palin recently resigned her post as Governor of Alaska, doing you out of living as a Palin impersonator.  Does this bitch have no considereration for other people’s comedy careers?  Doesn’t she realize we are in the middle of a recession?  How could she do this to a struggling commedienne?

First of all, I don’t think she’s a “bitch.” I think she’s a doggedly determined, extremely manipulative, breathtakingly disingenous, highly charismatic, very pretty, proudly ignorant woman with a great sense for what certain people want to hear. I made some money making fun of her, but I never made my living that way (she did help me pay off part of my student loans, however—thanks, Sarah!) At present, I make my living co-hosting a nightly radio show on satellite radio, writing for various blogs about various things, and telling stories on stages. It’s really quite a lovely life and I’m greatly pleased with it. Of course, I also end up begging various family members for loans that they and I both know I shan’t be paying back, so I suppose that’s rather pathetic in its way.

The shows are going really well.  Are you surviving life on the road more or less?

Oh, I enjoy it very much. I stay in New York for the most part, but over the past three months I’ve gotten to perform in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Texas. All of those adventures were great. I’m doing a one-month run of my show, AGORAFABULOUS!, here in NYC at a theater called the PIT. It’ll be every Saturday night in August at 9:30 PM. I’m going to do the show at Chicago’s Playground Theatre on Saturday, September 19th, and I’m really psyched about that. Chicago is an incredible city for comedy and theatre alike. And then hopefully in late October I’ll be in Los Angeles for a week, doing a couple shows out there.
I really do want to get to the UK next year. London is allegedly insanely expensive, even compared to New York. Maybe I’ll go to Cumbria and do an hour of comedy at one of their lovely nuclear power plants. Some of my impoverished ancestors straggled out of that part of your fine country, anyway, so I’ll commune with the spirits of dead family members while getting irradiated. Then my dead Irish ancestors can appear (perhaps having taken a heavenly helicopter from Co. Tyrone) and they can all beat the shit out of each other. Everyone will be drunk and unhappy, which is exactly how I like my crowds, living or dead. Good times.

You are a big fan of Princess Diana’s happy drug of choice, Prozac.  The whole world is on a collective downer at the minute.  She we distribute free prozac to those on welfare?
I would go with a no on that one. I do think we should have affordable, high-quality psychiatry and talk therapy available to all seekers regardless of their income. It’s worth noting that Prozac works quite well for me but doesn’t work well for everyone who has depression and panic attacks. Each person has to come up with his or her individual recipe for wellbeing, which generally includes some amount of physical exercise, decent eating habits, therapy, and even medication if necessary. Christ, I’ve got to start exercising.
I hadn’t heard that Diana took Prozac. If it helped her overcome her eating disorder and depression, then I think that’s wonderful and I’ve got nothing snarky to say about it, sadly.

Or what about Ecstasy?
Ecstasy is so 1994 and it does weird things to your jaw. Ugh, raver culture was so gross. And you’ve only yourselves to blame for that one, UK.

And thats pretty much it.  The best of luck with the shows and I will keep the British end up for you.  Your buddy Jess Delfino is over here at the minute, I think she want’s to bone Prince William, but that’s her business.

Delfino’s amazing. She plays an entire song on the rape whistle. I believe the song is called “Don’t Rape Me.” It’s the most offensive thing I’ve ever loved.

Written by Nick Gilmartin

July 29, 2009 at 3:35 pm

Posted in Humour

Tagged with , ,

Sarah Ezekiel: The fight continues

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Fundrasier.. friend of royalty... whatever..

Fundrasier.. friend of royalty... whatever..

It has been a while since I have caught up with Sarah Ezekiel, but she isn’t a lady to let the grass grow under her feet.  Since our last visit she has been shocking the hell out of cinema goers who have actually wanted her advert banned.  Newspapers (and one or two bloggers) have been queuing up for quotes on the controversial debate over the right to die.

But best of all, she has been to a Buckingham Palace Garden party, where she met the Queen, Prince Phillip and the Duke and Dutchess of Cornwall.  She moves in some glamourous circles these days.

So what was it like at Buckingham Palace Sarah?

I was invited to the Garden Party by Donna Cresswell at the MND Association back in February and was absolutely thrilled.   I knew immediately that I should ask  Ruth.  She is the sister I never had.

Outfit and hat hunting started in about March and wasn’t easy! The official invitation from the Lord Chamberlain arrived in June and I knew that I wasn’t dreaming. I’m not really a Royalist but love the history and enjoy reading about past monarchs. I feel honoured to have been invited and to have the experience of attending a Royal Garden Party.

So the big day eventually arrived and I felt excited and nervous. Ruth arrived and we both couldn’t believe that two East End girls were going to have tea at the Palace. Cameras are not allowed inside so my carer took some photos at home before we set off. We had been hoping for good weather but got heavy showers; this is England! I forgot the rain cover for my computer and told Ruth not to take her umbrella because we had raincoats…. BIG MISTAKE!

We were quickly through security and inside the vast Palace gardens. Everyone looked amazing, the women in beautiful outfits/hats and some of the men in uniform or top hats and tails. There were also people in their National dress which was fascinating to see. There were a couple of bands playing lovely music so we sat under a tree to listen. We were joined by Martin Anderson MBE, who helped to found the MND Association in 1979. He is a wonderful person, who has done so much for MND sufferers, and it was a real pleasure to meet him.

There were large tents with refreshments, sandwiches and cakes. We waited for the Queen to arrive and take tea in the Royal tent. It was raining and we needed an umbrella (sorry Ruth!) and a kind lady let us borrow hers. Then we spoke to MP, Lembit Opik, before waiting near the entrance to meet the Royal Family. Wheelchair users only; disability does have some advantagesOne of the Royal horsemen standing behind us kindly sheltered us under his brolly. He told us that all of the Royal horses have a six week holiday in the country every summer, lucky them!

Then the Queen arrived and I managed to say ‘thank you very much for inviting me today Your Majesty’, on my computer. She smiled broadly and said ‘how sweet’. Prince Phillip said hello and then we spoke to Princess Anne who asked where we were from. I was now covered by Ruth’s and my raincoat and she said how well prepared I was. If only she knew….

Prince Charles stopped to talk for longer than the others and I was really impressed by him. It was only general chat but he seemed genuinely interested. Then we spoke to Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, Princess Alexandra and Lady Ogilvy. They were all very kind and polite and I was very pleased to have met them all. I could get used to a Royal lifestyle!

Just popped in for tea and a natter with the Queen

Just popped in for tea and a natter with the Queen

Away from the place Sarah has been busy lending her voice to the debate over the right to die.  While many people feel they have the right if they are terminally ill, to a swift end.   Sarah is a reminder that you also have a right to live, and perhaps a duty to do so with courage.

Sarah featured in a short advert that was to raise awareness for Motor Neuron Disease.  When it was shown in cinemas it set out to shock, and it certainly did.  They received five complaints.   When it came to showing the 90-second advert on TV, it was turned down, as it was considered too harrowing.

Clearcast, the television watchdog is quoted as saying that:

“Even good-cause advertising is capable of causing widespread general offence.  We felt the level and amount of distressing and disturbing images went too far for television broadcast, even late at night.”

So I will show you the advert and you can tell me what you think.

To read more about Sarah and follow her charity please follow this link:

Written by Nick Gilmartin

July 28, 2009 at 4:54 pm

Lewis Hamilton is back!

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Lewis is back

You may remember this guy, young, gifted and black.  And until this weekend having a pretty bad season.  It wasn’t that anything dramatic had happened, compared to last year.  It was just a case of his car being hugely uncompetitive.

It wasn’t really a shock.  The record fine that the McLaren team incurred in 2007, coupled with the recession, meant research was limited.  The new car took some getting to grips with, it had terrible understeer.

But throughout the season McLaren have been studying the telemetry from the races, adding bits here, taking bits off.  They made the smallest adjustments and had the test drivers working overtime.  And finally it paid off.

Lewis had a little bit of luck as well, Renault’s Fernando Alonso lost a wheel after a pit stop, taking him out of the race.

Lewis and Nicole

And so it was that Lewis powered his way back to the podium, much to the squealing delight of his Pussycat Doll girlfriend.  Could he yet retain his title?  Difficult to say but I am sure the final race will be another cliffhanger.

Away from the track Renault was shocked to find itself banned for one race.  This was due to the flying wheel incident.  This punishment may seem harsh but let us not forget the recent death of Henry Surtees, and that of a marshal several years ago.  Both were the result of heavy wheels flying towards them at speed.

This is a safety issue that clearly needs a lot more looking at.

Felippe Massa is still in an induced coma, and his family and friends are at his bedside.  His condition remains serious but stable.  The spring penetrated his helmet and fractured his skull.  He was lucky it never penetrated his eye, it would have been instant death.

The next race is the European Grand Prix in Valencia, and there is some speculation that Fernando Alonso may fill the vacent seat at Ferrari.  F1 needs his to race in Spain again for PR purposes.  Ferrari needs his to try out his car for next year.  Everyone wins.  But I am sure the FIA will manage to stick their oar in somewhere.

So here are the results in full:

 1.  Hamilton      McLaren-Mercedes      
 2.  Raikkonen     Ferrari               
 3.  Webber        Red Bull-Renault      
 4.  Rosberg       Williams-Toyota       
 5.  Kovalainen    McLaren-Mercedes      
 6.  Glock         Toyota                
 7.  Button        Brawn-Mercedes        
 8.  Trulli        Toyota                
 9.  Nakajima      Williams-Toyota       
10.  Barrichello   Brawn-Mercedes        
11.  Heidfeld      BMW Sauber            
12.  Piquet        Renault               
13.  Kubica        BMW Sauber            
14.  Fisichella    Force India-Mercedes  
15.  Alguersuari   Toro Rosso-Ferrari    
16.  Buemi         Toro Rosso-Ferrari

Written by Nick Gilmartin

July 26, 2009 at 8:48 pm