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And he used to be such a nice, quiet boy

Archive for October 2010

Men are Useless

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It is a message we hear time and again, men as we know it are a obsolete piece of equipment.  Out of work, out of pocket and inevitably, out of favour with modern women.  At least they still need our sperm,  for now…

But is that really the truth?  Many men out there are  too busy kicking ass and taking number to worry about such trivialities as buying shampoo, shaving foam, new razors, that kind of thing.  In the olden days, and I mean the good old days, either our wives or servants took care of that for us so we could concentrate on keeping the natives of the Empire in check.

Times have changed of course but in many ways our frame of mind hasn’t and it seems that the monthly list of toiletries may just fall down the back of the sink.  Cue endless greasy hair and shaving rash from blunt razors we bought months ago.

Here to save us from disaster are a group of people who, at first glance, seem to have self-esteem issues.  And they are such kind souls that they sent me, a humble blogger, some of their selection of products to try.

First up was a product I would not normally use, a Moose mud face pack.  Surely this was just for Essex boys and wannabee supermodels?  Ah, shut up moaning, man and get it on you.  It was white and looked, frankly, a bit wrong.  But by the time I washed it off my face felt, according to the missus, a lot smoother and touchable.

The Source shower gel I have used before, and they indeed have a quality product.  It is nice and thick and gooey and smells exactly of what it is supposed to.

My razor was unpacked by the time I got to use it, when I yelled the wife to ask why I was dismayed to find she had already used it on her lady-bits.  Honestly is nothing sacred?  But in the name of journalistic integrity I gave it a whirl, and I was impressed by it.

I was not too keen on the shaving gel, and I never have been.  I have always preferred shaving foam, proper thick stuff you could artex your ceiling with.

Lastly the Bionsen deodorant was soon making friends with my arm pits, leaving a nice fresh sensation, not something they are usually associated with.

I mean why call yourselves Men are Useless?

Everyone is useless at something.  Men, or at least a large majority according to our research, are rather useless at remembering to pick up the essentials in their lives.  Many have so much on and simply forget to pick up shower gel, fresh razors etc … So in that respect men are useless. 

Each man has a special skill.  I can, for example, pick out and purchase a pair of black shoes in under a minute.    What is your special skill?

I’m still a brilliant tree climber, can make a top den and, like you, can choose a birthday card, paint and curtains all in one minute!

At what point did you see the gap in the market?

Probably about a year ago.  There were plenty of reports about the booming male grooming market with masses of product hitting the market.  We started looking at who was buying them, then who wasn’t and who was inspiring the market by positioning their product in a non-metro way.  A combination of apathy and cost from a large section of men suggested there was a gap … men who would ‘quite’ like grooming products but didn’t want to spend a fortune nor wanted to spend hours looking for the right stuff in a shop.  Effectively, if we could help with the decision making and automate the service so men got a variety of products delivered without any onus on themselves to shop – we thought we could make the most of the gap.

What are your favourite products to use for facial grooming?

Personally?  I like the process surrounding a leisurely shave … a good face scrub followed by a hot sharp razor finished off with a rich thick moisturiser. 

Isn’t it all a bit, you know, Metrosexual?

On the contrary.  Our standard box simply covers the basics – shampoo/shower gel, razor and shave gel … this is stuff men are (or should) be buying regularly.  It’s about the same price as it would be in the shops – we simply deliver it neatly packaged so they don’t have to remember to purchase.  Our works box covers the essentials PLUS a couple of what many might call metro products – face scrub, face wash, shave balm.  

In all honesty – does the metrosexual really exist?  I really don’t like it as a tag line – women can look after themselves and it’s applauded – when men do it they’re shoe-horned into a demographic as if they’re having a crisis or being vain! 

So it’s all ok as long as you can still build a fire in the woods?

What men do with the time we’ve saved them is up to them!  In essence I think we just take care of the boring but essential parts of men’s lives giving them time to do what they really want to do.  I’d be delighted if I thought someone went out to fight sharks!

 You include sweeties for the Postmen, that’s a nice touch.  Why do you think they don’t seem willing to take sweeties off strange men?

Strange men … where?  We’re at 43% of posties taking the sweets – that’s not good enough, but posties have been trained to feel unloved and are nervous of anyone who treats them nicely.  Nothing makes us more proud when we receive a picture from a customer of the front of their box with the sweets taken and a little note saying ‘thanks!’ from the postie.  We’re going to continue giving them sweets … no one’s trying to catch them out … we just think it’s nice to be nice!  

Written by Nick Gilmartin

October 12, 2010 at 10:06 am