Nick Gilmartin's Weblog

And he used to be such a nice, quiet boy

Posts Tagged ‘hotel

What credit crunch?

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How come my parties are never like this? Well if I had $35 Million at my fingertips then maybe I could splash out on more than a tube of Pringles and a case of Skol.

But the Emirates can afford to do a lot better with their multi-squillions, and they have decided to invest all their working capital in the tourist industry. Which takes rock-solid balls in the one of the most unstable areas in the world, when you consider that their main clients will come from Europe and the Americas.



But the hotel Atlantis is truely the icing on the cake. It boasts 2000 rooms, world renowned restaurants by Mitchelin-starred chefs, the most amazing bars I have ever seen (I am a bit of a bar geek, being a long time barman), with Whiskys sourced from Scotland, Japan, Kentucky, and Ireland.


Their opening party guest list read like the who’s-who of anybody that matters. Robert De Nero to promote his restaurant, Kylie Minogue came and sang, Sir Richard Branson, Charlize Theron, Denzil Washington among others. Oprah Winfrey did arrive but had to dash back to the USA as her house was very near a forest fire. Now there is a dilemma, I think I would stay for the party and worry about the house after.


Not only that but it has the most lavish spa in the world, ideal to keep the wife/girlfriend/fiancee happy for hours on end.


Try the Dubai glamour ritual, girls. I don’t know what it does but I am sure it will be worth the money.


But my personal favourite has to be the Lost Chambers suite. Straight out of a James Bond movie, it has one wall that is totally glass looking out to the Ambassador Lagoon.


So what can I do but recommend the place? That’s if the credit crunch hasn’t hit you and you have a spare £2000 a night. It makes you feel better about stealing that bathrobe…


Written by Nick Gilmartin

November 29, 2008 at 1:39 pm

Posted in travel and holidays

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The Real Hotel Babylon

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From 1995-2004 I worked for a succession of top range hotels both in the UK and Ireland.  Some anecdotes I would like to share with you here..

I once had my own little late-night poolside bar, all to myself.  I used to dim the lights and play old soul classics, feeling like Humphrey Bogart.  The trouble was the customers I usually got at the end of the night were usually drunken obnoxious salesmen with nothing better to do and nobody else to annoy.

Anyway I pick up some very drunken advice from various odds and sods. Such as:

“Three things to stay away from, Nick, Hard drugs, Homosexuality and Bungee jumping.

..and never have sex with a girl with the same name as your sister.”

One time I served breakfast to the ’ladies’ under 21 rugby team.  I have never seen a more ferocious bunch of dykes in my life.  Thighs like my waist.  Tattoos like popeye and stubble like george michael.  Remember Mutha Bacon in Viz?  Exactly like her, all of them.

I met the Italian boys under 21 football team.  The waitresses were drooling, you have never seen such a bunch of pretty boys.  They actually brought their own chef, who was like Jabba the Hutt, and his food was amazing.

After Leeds played Galatasaray from Turkey in 1998 the turks came back to Leeds to play the second leg.  Now this was the time when two Leeds fans were stabbed in Istanbul during the riots.  So security was tight, I got searched several times by Turkish secret police who thought they owned the joint.

One time I was given bags to take up to a room.  When I went in there was nobody there but the room was filled with camera equipment and lights.  It was obvious they were filming a porn film in there.  If you ever see a porn film with dreadful canary yellow floral curtains, it was filmed at my place.

One time in Dublin two old ladies came down to the bar to see themselves on the news, and they wanted me to tune the TV into the correct station.  After lots of fumbling with dials I managed to find the hotels porn channel for them!  Oops.. I covered the screen with my body and made my excuses.  The old girl actually said “Was that me there?” I bloody hope not, love.

So if you want a hard, underpaid job that teaches you an incredible amount about people please go work for a hotel, you will love it, you sickos.

My sister is called Rebecca by the way.

Written by Nick Gilmartin

April 25, 2008 at 11:31 am

Posted in true stories

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